Saturday, February 10, 2007

Rug Pee-ers Did Not Do This, Man

Hi. My name is EK, I'm a cancer, and I like dolphins. I suppose I'm going to post around here from time to time, which is fun. It's not like I don't already basically write the posts around here anyhow.

OK, on with the rug peeing. I have a friend. We'll call her Suzy. Last Saturday, she went home with a boy. We'll call him Mike. Now, despite Mike's impassioned pleas for her to make out with him in the street as they were walking home from the bar, Suzy had the patience to wait until they were back at Mike's parents' house to get busy (our friend Mike, you see, is taking a "leave of absence" from college and still lives at home).

After a spirited bout of making out on the couch, during which Mike managed to misplace his pants, the two would-be love birds passed out, surely tired from all the alcohol and awkward groping. The next thing Suzy knew she woke up from an all-too real dream that she was stuck in a rainstorm to see that Mike was micturating into a cup on the table next to her. His cup ranneth over, however, and the excess was splashing everywhere: onto the blanket, the floor, and of course onto Suzy. Mortified, she told him to take it to the bathroom. He responded by falling back into the chair he was sleeping on, still pantsless and legs splayed, and passing back out. Sexy.

So, first chance she got, Suzy bolted.

Next thing she knew, he was requesting her friendship on Facebook. We were were quite amused to learn that Mr. Golden Shower had over 1000 friends, most of whom were hot women, according to his photo albums. He is supposedly graduating from Tennessee in 2007. But best of all, his interests include "forgiveness" and "distinct smells." The next day, he called her to ask her out again, but no mention of whether he advised her to bring an umbrella.

The lesson: never trust anyone from Tennessee.


nyeK said...

That is freaking awesome. I heard a great story like that one time, involving pooping mid-sleep while in bed with a girl. It was so good that I claimed it and re-told it a few times (I got permission first) only to find out that the whole thing was a fake. Really depressing.
But seriously, good moral to the story too.

Nye! said...

By the way, lest anyone think this story is a fake, when she accepted his friend request on Facebook, she included this description of how they met, and he confirmed it: "They met randomly: He picked me up in a bar, we had a great time, and then he peed on me."

Grace said...

Laughably amusing! It reminds me of my friend's son who wets their carpet (her son likes to sleep on the carpet every afternoon), having stains in the carpet, she called me for advice, and I recommended her to a carpet cleaner (Portland cleaner) that cleans my carpet on a regular basis.

One day later, I visited her house for lunch, and she showed me the affected area which was already cleaned by the carpet cleaners in Portland, and it was pretty neatly done.