Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Two years

You Can't Get Arrested for Being Awesome is officially two years old. Yay.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Don Blair doppleganger

This won't make much sense to anyone not at UC Law, but I was channel surfing this afternoon and happened across a program that appeared to include our ever-popular law librarian commenting on the presidency of Benjamin Harrison. After doing a double-take, I realized wasn't Don, but the resemblance was striking enough that when he came on to comment a second time, I did it again.

The culprit was Dr. Allan Spetter, a history professor at Wright State University. These photos don't do it justice, but I can't help but wonder if they're long-lost brothers.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Rug Pee-ers Did Not Do This, Man

Hi. My name is EK, I'm a cancer, and I like dolphins. I suppose I'm going to post around here from time to time, which is fun. It's not like I don't already basically write the posts around here anyhow.

OK, on with the rug peeing. I have a friend. We'll call her Suzy. Last Saturday, she went home with a boy. We'll call him Mike. Now, despite Mike's impassioned pleas for her to make out with him in the street as they were walking home from the bar, Suzy had the patience to wait until they were back at Mike's parents' house to get busy (our friend Mike, you see, is taking a "leave of absence" from college and still lives at home).

After a spirited bout of making out on the couch, during which Mike managed to misplace his pants, the two would-be love birds passed out, surely tired from all the alcohol and awkward groping. The next thing Suzy knew she woke up from an all-too real dream that she was stuck in a rainstorm to see that Mike was micturating into a cup on the table next to her. His cup ranneth over, however, and the excess was splashing everywhere: onto the blanket, the floor, and of course onto Suzy. Mortified, she told him to take it to the bathroom. He responded by falling back into the chair he was sleeping on, still pantsless and legs splayed, and passing back out. Sexy.

So, first chance she got, Suzy bolted.

Next thing she knew, he was requesting her friendship on Facebook. We were were quite amused to learn that Mr. Golden Shower had over 1000 friends, most of whom were hot women, according to his photo albums. He is supposedly graduating from Tennessee in 2007. But best of all, his interests include "forgiveness" and "distinct smells." The next day, he called her to ask her out again, but no mention of whether he advised her to bring an umbrella.

The lesson: never trust anyone from Tennessee.

Monday, February 05, 2007


Our site feed seems to be pushing through every post we've ever done. I think it's related to our switch over to the New Blogger, and it should stop soon.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Super Bowl

For what it's worth, I'm rooting for the Bears today. I'm not necessarily convinced they'll win, but if I were a betting man I think I'd take the (seven) points.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Sealand is for sale!

Remember Sealand? You know, the old fort that Paddy Roy Bates Prince Roy I took over with a helicopter 40 years ago?

Well, it's for sale.

I am officially requestion--no, demanding--that all of you New York-bound biglaw people, pinch a few pennies here and there from your newly-raised salaries, save up those monster bonuses, and buy Sealand! I will volunteer my services as its first Attorney General (assuming I can pass the Sealand bar -- oh wait, I will probably get to write it, so that shouldn't be a problem. In theory.).

Friday, February 02, 2007

Sex ed

I knew Texas was a little different, but this surprises even me. Apparently in Texas you can't buy dildos except for "educational" uses, so a trip to the local sex shop results in cryptic conversations about what sort of, uh, educational demonstration you intend to perform.

The video also includes this exchange:

Customer: "And what are these used for?"

Employee: "Well these are actually, uhm, these are butt plugs."

Customer: "Butt plugs?"

Employee: "Mm hmm."

Customer: "And that's a 'demonstrator' as well?"

Employee: "No, these are just to go in the butt. . . . The anus is not defined as a sexual orifice by Texas law, so you can buy whatever you like to go there."

Narrator: "In case you're as confused as we are, here are a few of the rules: You can buy this [a dildo] as long as it's used for educational purposes. You can buy this [a vibrator] because generally a penis doesn't have a face or an animal attached to it. And you can buy this [a butt plug] because you can put anything up your butt as long as it isn't a penis."
Oh, those crazy Texans.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

R.I.P., Barbaro

A friend commented the other day on the passing of Barbaro:
I've been thinking about it, and I'm pretty sure I felt exactly the same when I heard Barbaro died as I did when I heard Steve Irwin got killed by a stingray.