Wednesday, May 31, 2006

And I thought Ohio had a lot of orange barrels

Road sign spotted on US-93 near Las Vegas:

"Construction on Route 93. May cause delays from 2003 to 2008"

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Defending Cleveland

Job hunting is tough. If you don't have something on your resume that makes you stand out, you're just another face in the crowd. I'm not at the top of my class, I don't have a famous name, and I haven't summered at a top-100 firm. So I added an "Interests / Other" section to my resume and included, of course, "Was born and raised on a miniature donkey farm." It's been brilliant as an ice breaker--I've been asked about it in every single interview. People love it.

Naturally I couldn't have just one "other," so I decided to add "Defending Cleveland" to the list. I'm an outsider here in Cincinnati, and I'm always having to stick up for my home town. That's worked pretty well too--Cincinnati and Cleveland are much more similar than a lot of people realize, and both have a lot going for them.

But after seeing this, I am striking "Defending Cleveland" from the proverbial record. Good God. They say you can never go home again, and they are right.

I am having fun

I will return to blogging after the Memorial Day weekend, with a vengeance.

Nye, I'm having enough fun for the both of us, except for my car breaking down and my cable being shut off.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Summer plans

Yes, I know, we're rotten bloggers. But we've reached the summer doldrums and I'd be shocked if more than a handful of you were reading this anyway. For those of you who are, though, here is what I have on tap for the summer, in no particular order:
  • Started a new job yesterday. The goal for that is to learn a lot and not get fired at any point during the summer, not even once.
  • Have started asking professors for letters of recommendation for judicial clerkships. 2 for 2 so far, with one more to go in the morning.
  • Around-the-house project no. 1 is complete: I have cut down most of the bushes in the back yard that were leaning on my fence and "encumbrancing" the sidewalk. Around-the-house project no. 2 is not: I need to somehow make it look not shitty.
  • Law review lead articles to cite check (with a partner): 2
    • Approximate number of foonotes in my half of the papers: 300
    • Number of footnotes completed so far: 1
    • Days left to complete the first half: 26
  • Will start the second job July 1. It's a research assistantship with a new IP professor who is coming in from Harvard, and judging by his latest email to me he appears to have a great sense of humor. So obviously I'm looking forward to that.
  • Semi-school-related goal no. 1 for the summer: read every Supreme Court opinion from OT 2005
    • Opinions released so far: about 45
    • Opinions read so far: about 12
  • Semi-school-related goal no. 2 for the summer: don't compulsively check for grades. Haven't checked once yet.
  • Weddings: best man in one, attending at least three more. Also celebrating our first anniversary.
  • Fun reading: have a few books on my nightstand at the moment ("The Undercover Economist," "Freakonomics," and "Night"). Hopefully will get through those before too long.
  • Family vacation in June. And by "family vacation" I mean camping with my wife and dog in northwestern Michigan.
That's all that comes to mind at the moment. Hopefully that won't really be everything I do this summer, but to be perfectly honest I'm just boring enough that it might be. I'm sure Tre, meanwhile, is having enough fun for both of us. I mean he must be, right? Because he's obviously too busy to blog.

Monday, May 22, 2006

New job

New job starts today.

Yeah, that's all I got.

Friday, May 19, 2006

Quote of the day

I am departing momentarily for Cleveland for a weekend of bachelor party debauchery. In light of my upcoming attendance at Game 6 of the Eastern Conference Semifinal game tonight, I leave you with this--Pistons forward Antonio McDyess claimed that Cavaliers center Anderson Varejao bit him in Game 3. But did Varejao bite him, or did the team bite him?

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Meet Insane Shane McKane

This might be the most absurd, trashiest, and funniest thing I've seen today. Insane Shane McKane's web site describes him as the "Great White Dope" and the "King of Country Bling," and says that "he is the first of his breed (maybe inbreed?) and he's damned proud of it." How can you not root for a guy like this? Anyone who has met me knows that I love me some "Redneck Rap." Check out an audio clip of Insane Shane McKane here.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

You Can't Arrest a Bear for Being Awesome

Not to blog over Nye's free plug for Jordan (a guy who doesn't get enough ad space as is), but this is something you really should see today, before it's yesterday's news.

I mean, I've always liked the game Ninja, Cowboy, Bear as a replacement for Rock, Paper, Scissors, but now I will ALWAYS chose Bear.


Sorry for not blogging lately--computer problems.

I'm sure many of you have seen the commercial with the kids reenacting all of Jordan's moves. This video pairs the recreation with the originals. Pretty awesome.

Monday, May 15, 2006

I am an interview champ

Interviewer: OK, you've described yourself, now tell me how would someone who has known you your whole life, like a best friend, describe you in a couple of words?

Me: Well, I think they'd say I'm funny, I'm honest, and that I'm really, really good looking, which refers back to number one.

Interviewer: (writes down the three things I listed) (pause) Haha, alright, that's a good one, I'll be laughing about that one all day.

While I like to think I'm funny, a 2L buddy of mine beat me out last week:

Interviewer: This job may require you to look at some pornography, are you comfortable with this?

2L: Yes, I think I am . . well, do you provide vasoline?

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Dance, monkey!

This is definitely worth six minutes of your time. Wow.

UPDATE: The blog that I originally linked to has removed the post for some reason, so here is the video directly from YouTube.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006


Big Willie Taft, still throwing down after all these years.

Two out of three ain't bad

Well, if my schedule and transcript are to be believed, I am now a 3L. No, no--please. No applause, I--yes, thank you. Thank you. Please, you're embarassing me. Stop it.

I'm going to go celebrate by laying on my living room floor and playing with my dog. And none of you can do anything to stop me.

Monday, May 08, 2006

Student publication opportunities

Per a recent conversation with a friend of mine, I'd like to ask if anyone out there knows of publication opportunities for student-written articles. In particular, the paper concerns award of attorneys' fees during clemency proceedings for condemned prisoners, so something specific to the the criminal law/capital punishment area would be ideal.

Yes, I realize this makes me sound like a pompous ass, but no, I didn't write the paper. So blow me.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Quote of the day

Alright, the quote of two days ago.

Said by Damon Jones, who hit the game-winning shot in the Cleveland Cavaliers' 114-113 overtime victory over the Washington Wizards in Game 6 of their first-round Eastern Conference playoff series, after not playing in the first 52 minutes and 46 seconds of the 53-minute game:

"I tell people all the time I'm the best shooter in the world. If I didn't think so, who would? But I'm not the best shooter in the universe."

Friday, May 05, 2006

Cinco de Mayo explained

Everyone loves to celebrate it. It's an excuse for guys to drink Corona and margaritas and not get ridiculed for drinking "girlie drinks." However, most people have no idea about the history of the holiday. Fulfilling my duty as a beacon of light and truth in this cold, dark world, here is the true history of Cinco de Mayo.

It's a common misconception that Cinco de Mayo celebrates the first time that a Dirk Pennington, a tourist vacationing in Cancun, decided that his Corona would taste much better with a lime. Although that was a seminal moment in Mexican history, Cinco de Mayo actually celebrates the Mexican victory over French troops in the Battle of Puebla in 1862. This halted a French invasion of Mexico and has become a source of pride for generations of Mexicans. Note: May 5th is also the day Napoleon died, marking the beginning of the "pussy era" in France. Napoleon's last words are rumored to have been "Please, if France has any dignity left, don't lose to fucking Mexico in a war." (Note: the recent rioting and setting cars on fire in France has ended the "pussy era" and France has now moved into the "Detroit Sports Championship Celebration era.")

Another little know fact is the celebration of "Sixieme de Mai" in France. This celebrates the French victory over Mexican troops enjoying their siesta the very next day. This is also celebrated in France as the "last thing France actually won."

However, Cinco de Mayo has taken on a different meaning in the last few years. This happens to a lot of holidays. Look at Christmas. Christmas now celebrates a fat guy who likes to wear a red velour suit and give presents to kids after they sit in his lap (no, I cannot find "Kris Kringle" or "Santa Claus" on the Ohio Sexual Predator website, I'massumingg this is a clerical error, as this guy has to have been charged). Almost no one remembers the original meaning for Christmas these days. Anyway, back to Cinco de Mayo: male dorks of my generation (yours truly included) now celebrate this holiday as the birthday of actress Danielle Fishel. You may know her as Topenga from Boy Meets World and the reason for the beginning of sexual fantasies in your life.

Feliz Cinco de Mayo!!

Thursday, May 04, 2006

John Smoltz is a sinner

Strangest sentence I think I've ever seen in a baseball-game recap. From the Yahoo! story of Wednesday night's Indians-Athletics game:

Byrd got all the offense he needed and then some. He even received a call from Atlanta ace John Smoltz last week in which Smoltz admitted he envied all the run support Byrd was getting -- though both players are religious and being envious of anyone is not an accepted practice in their faith.

Uhm . . . what?

UPDATE (5/5): The reference to religion was apparently a joke that Smoltz himself made. I guess it makes a little more sense that way.

The Banks

In light of today's announcement that Cincinnati and Hamilton County have reached a deal on The Banks, I just thought I'd weigh in to warn you Cincinnatians that you should be wary of corporate welfare. That's it. I'm just sayin, is all.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Finals are here. That means lots of blogging.

Classes are finally over, and my first (only!) exam is Tuesday. And I have to finish my law review paper before then, so you know what that means -- this should be a very blogtastic week.

I know I didn't provide live coverage of the NFL Draft like I did last year, but I did want to weigh in with two thoughts. First, I really like the Browns' second-round pick, D'Qwell Jackson. I don't have any idea if he is a good player or not, but assuming that he is, I look forward to yelling, "You got DQ'd, baby!" every time he lights someone up or notches a sack. And I have two thoughts regarding their first fourth-round pick, Leon Williams. One the one hand, I'm not convinced that the Browns didn't try to pick Leon Washington, the running back from Florida State. But on the other hand, regardless of who they meant to pick, can anyone find out if this guy was part of the 7th Floor Crew? Here's hoping that he was.

In other news, best away message so far during finals: "Law school is like unprotected sex. You're happy you got in, but sorry you came."

Finally, I just thought I'd mention that I appear to have poison ivy in my belly button. No, not like a vine growing in there, but, you know, the irritation. No idea how that happened. TMI? No? OK, good.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

3 things you should know about me

1. I am INCREDIBLY good looking. Like, model good looking. Like, Derek Zoolander good looking.

2. I am, most likely, the smartest person you will ever meet.

3. Above all, I am modest. And humbled.

Monday, May 01, 2006

William Howard Taft, ladies and gentlemen!

The most famous alumnus of UC Law is William Howard Taft. Taft, of course, was our nation's 27th President, and the only person ever to serve as both President and Chief Justice. So outside the back door of the law school there is a nice little statue of Taft, in his robe, holding a copy of the U.S. reporter. (Sidenote -- It is rumored that the statue originally depicted a very rotund Taft, and people complained that he looked too heavy, and it had to be recast. This concerning the President who repeatedly got stuck in the White House bathtub.)

The inside of the law school is decorated with all sorts of photos of the building being constructed. (Sidenote no. 2 -- The building has a rather interesting architectural history -- the present building essentially consists of a shell built around the original building. It's kind of layered, like an onion. A rotting onion, yes, but an onion just the same.) One of the photos, just inside the back door, depicts the installation of the (thin, relatively speaking) statue I've just described.

About a month ago I was waiting for a friend near said picture, and was just standing there admiring it. A classmate walked by me, then turned around and said, "You know, I've never been able to look at that picture the same way since I realized it looks like he's sitting in a sex swing."

William Howard Taft in a sex swing

William Howard Taft -- UC Law alum, 27th President, Chief Justice of the United States, sexual adventurer. None of you will ever be able to look at that picture or that statue in the same way again.