Saturday, April 29, 2006

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Basic Contracts Review

For all you 1Ls cramming, check this out. It's an example of an "ultra-binding contract."

Seriously, this guy is a genius and he will win this bet. Help a brother out and click the above link at least 5 times an hour.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006


I know it's Wednesday, but I wasn't here on Monday or Tuesday.

And I just pulled a Monday by spilling coffee all over myself.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006


I know. You know. Everyone knows. Exams suck.

Just in case I forgot how awful studying is, every single law student on Earth posts something about how bad exams are/how miserable his or her life is on away messages this time of year. Some examples:

"Studying for Property all day, ugh, shoot me now!"
"Evidence party in the library, ok, not really a party"
"Outlining, go figure"
"I just want this next month to be over now"

I have a suggestion, stop bitching. Whining on your away message isn't going to make anything better. I mean, half the people who post these away messages are just watching American Idol or Lost anyway. The other half most likely read the false away messages, felt guilty, then put up an away message saying they are saving the world through Gilbert's (kidding, I know people are studying, I actually studied this weekend, then I burnt all my clothes and showered because I felt so dirty for studying on a weekend).

So this year, let's switch it up, let's make the away messages positive for once. So post a joke, or maybe a Chuck Norris "fact", or, even better, links to porn. As VB so eloquently put it: "porn always cheers people up, and sex (or masturbating for you) releases endorphins." Other acceptable away messages: quotes from funny law profs, links to Kevin Federline's mySpace page, an Oregon Trail high score, links to this blog, or haikus about inappropriate subjects (i.e. "Miss Debra LaFave, always sleeping with young boys, wish I was fourteen"). So don't be a typical law student Debbie Downer this year, mix it up, have some fun, stop being miserable. You're making me miserable by association.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Midnight Rider

If I was stuck on a deserted island and could only have one song playing over and over on the island's stereo system (I didn't say it was a desolate island), it would have to be "Midnight Rider" by the Allman Brothers. I wonder if my new neighbor mind that I've listened to it about 20 times in a row today while I cleaned my apartment. Based on his affinity for Sean Paul's "Temperature," I'm guessing he didn't even notice.

note: I may still choose "Cheeseburger in Paradise," just for the irony, or the theme song to Major League, it just makes me feel at home.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Another installment of Crim Pro quotes....

Some of these may be repeats, but I looked through the blog and don't think I've posted any of these gems yet.

“That’s how it was where I went to law school. You never left the library, it was like a truck stop. It was fantastic, I mean, you’d never leave. I know people that got married in there. We need to at least get a television, you know, so we could learn something.”

“I used to teach class outside all the time. I’d come in dressed in a robe like Jesus and mingle amongst the people. I’d break off my lecture like a loaf of bread. I’d feed 5,000 people with 2 pages of notes. It was amazing.”

(Addressing the silence after asking for a volunteer) “Not only do we need outlets for plugs, we need strings so I can pull your hand up in the air, that’s the way to do this.” (noticing a student not paying attention) “Want to take a shot at it? You’re looking out the window I see.”

“I’m going to Oxford later this semester, I was reading the description of the dorms we’re staying, and I said to myself, I wish I was staying at the MCC.”

“I mean, the only people going to public defenders are?….. LOSERS! The other guys have beaucoup money. Haha, just kidding, sort of.”

“Chris Henry, I mean, you wave a gun when you’re drunk, who among us . . . . who among us hasn’t mouthed off a little when they’re drunk. True, he was wearing his own jersey, he could have at least worn a Chad Johnson jersey.”

“Waving a gun around . . . this for a professional athlete? I mean, if he was a basketball player, he wouldn’t even be charged.”

“Do we have any Kentucky people here? No kinfolk? Aren’t all you people in Kentucky related?”

“The Ancient Greeks have consumed olive oil since the start of time and they’re still going strong, right? OK, bad example.”

“We have this football player, and he has this ex-wife and she’s taking his money and supporting her waiter boyfriend. He’s making beaucoup money, but then he’s going to the Super Bowl, then driving off in a Hyundai, I ain’t saying she’s a gold digger and all that.”

(After a lengthy debate on the death penalty, saying system is fine, it works, it's a necessary part of criminal justice etc.) “After saying all this, I’m against the death penalty . . . . . . . JUST KIDDING!”

“Facts of the case: We’ve got this guy ranching out in Montana, not really Brokeback, but close..”

“This all started with the Tonya Harding/Nancy Kerrigan incident, but I mean, I can’t blame Tonya, if anyone needed whacking, it was Nancy.”

“At some point the Warren Court blew their collective noses and looked down and said, oh look, a right of privacy.”

Man-crush? Most definitely.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

I seeeee you!

Here's another question. I check our site meter from time to time to see how people are getting to this blog. Over the last three days or so, someone repeatedly has been Googling my full name, middle initial included, in quotation marks. Like, three or four times a day. And whoever this is appears to read like every page on the whole blog. And the IP is registered to "USCOURTS" in Washington, DC. This is interesting for two reasons:
  1. My full name does not appear anywhere on this blog. That's not because I have anything to hide--this is not, after all, an anonymous blog. But still, it's not there.
  2. I don't know anyone who works at any court in Washington, so I'm not sure (a) why anyone in Washington actually knows my name and (b) why that person would bother to read this blog. Repeatedly. Without bothering to just bookmark or remember the URL.

Bluebook Schmuebook

Dear Bluebook Editors,

You guys are morons. Seriously.


Addendum: I realize it is popular to bash the Bluebook, but it is deserved. And the problem is probably exacerbated by UC's decision to teach ALWD to the 1Ls. Do any other schools do this? For those of you who are taught Bluebook in your writing courses, do you find it more sensible? If there are any other ALWD students out there, do you then find it troublesome when you have to use the Bluebook on a journal or in practice?

Not that I think ALWD was particularly good. And the problems with the Bluebook are mostly that it's organized very, very poorly (though yes, some of the rules are just pretty ridiculous). Just wondering what others think.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Answer of the day

A few weeks ago I posed a question regarding a distant relation who is an accomplished federal judge, and asked for suggestions as to how I might establish some sort of networking contact there. Although some of the comments were very insightful . . . I thought I'd just throw it out there that apparently the more effective way to do it is to just write a letter, introduce yourself as her cousin, and tell her why you're writing. And then she'll send you an email and ask you to call her. It's pretty easy. I recommend trying it.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Outlines are people too

Ah yes, mid-April: lazy afternoons in the sun, baseball/softball diamonds are coming back to life, amusement parks are opening, and law students are panicking. It’s the time of year where every law student realizes that they are way under-prepared for the impending apocalypse of finals. Is it really that bad? Yes. However, we all lean on the same crutch to get us through the gauntlet or inferno that is exams, Alton from Real World Las Vegas. OK, we lean on him and outlines, but we don’t all lean on the same outline (there are many females who have leaned on the same Alton). We all have our different approaches to outlines, because we’re all different types of people. We match up with different outlines, because really, outlines themselves have their own personalities. I’ve listed a few types of outlines I’ve come across in my time here. Oh, and undergrads, these work for notes/flashcards for your finals.

The “younger kid in the neighborhood” outline – you’ve known this outline since before he was born, since he was just a 11 KB Microsoft Word file, not the 400 KB behemoth he is today. You bring him everywhere you go and you’re very proud of him. You let close friends look at him, but you don’t let anyone hold him when you’re not looking. You’re very protective of him, because he’s so pure to you. However, sometimes you have a falling out (after a bad exam) and you think much less of him and end the relationship.

The “best friend” outline – you met this outline a little later on in her life, but you still grew up together over the semester. She’d help you understand things, and you’d correct her when she was wrong about minor points. Eventually, you’d come to trust her so much that you’d stop reading cases and listen to her advice. Sometimes your professor would tell you not to depend so much on her, but you knew your prof was just jealous he didn’t have as good a friend.

The “friendly” outline – this outline loves groups. He loves it if you lay him out on the table and go at him with a bunch of different people. Girls, guys, it doesn’t matter, as long as he’s spread out on the table and being worked on. The more you pass him around the better. However, he has absolutely no substance, but he can tell you what 1Ls are hooking up with each other.

The “best friend’s girlfriend” outline – you heard about this girl from your buddy. All he did was talk about how awesome she was. However, you know that if you use her, and he finds out, your friendship is over. So you have to be careful and poke and prod. You use her and do well, but your buddy is always a little suspicious that you hit up his girl. There is no honor in using her.

The “best friend’s ex” outline – all you heard about was how awesome this guy was when your friend was with him. Eventually, you developed sort of a crush on him just be hearing about him so often. Finally, you ask your friend if you can use him about a semester after she has. She says yes, and it all works out. You feel a little guilty about using your best friend’s ex, but she was right, he is AWESOME. Sometimes it gets to the point where you’ll only take classes in which your best friend has an ex, it’s just that good.

The "trojan horse" outline - yeah, she looks really good, like really good. She has all the bells and whistles that you'd want. She says all the right things in the right way and makes you feel really confident. However, you get your test results back and nothing could be further from the truth. She had herpes, and getting with her, although you thought it was good at the time, is going to screw you for years to come.

The “dirty pirate hooker” outline – he’s been passed down from generation to generation. Steph Underwood first used him sometime in the late 70s, and every year a new generation of law students takes him for a spin. He’s really good at what he does, but you have to worry about whatever he might have picked up from previous partners, because you know you’re getting that from him. You may wake up the next morning with a burning sensation and regret using him. He's usually found in trash cans the morning after exams.

The “street hooker” outline – you picked her up a week before finals, and it will probably cost you in the long-run, but it made you feel better short term. Knowing that she was a professional made you feel better, but you knew that wasn’t totally right and you feel bad about using her the morning after your final.

The “Mail-order Hooker” – same as above, but you bought it from some guy selling out-sourced legal work from India. Odds are you come away seriously burnt from this one, but you were desperate. You hadn’t had an outline in 6 months.

Wow, I guess outlines are more like “sexual partners” than “people.” I mean, sexual partners are people too, right?. Anyway, I’m sure there are many more I haven’t contemplated, feel free to add to the list.

Everybody loves Mondays

From Prof. Wills today:
I agree with Eliot -- April is the cruelest month. But for me it's my allergies, and I'd appreciate it if you'd indulge me. I don't normally drink in front of you, but I'm taking so many drugs to dry up my nasal passages and my eyes that my throat is also dry. *Takes sip from carton of orange juice, smirks.* It's not spiked, though. I wish it were.

Friday, April 14, 2006

Law students, med students, oh my!

Wednesday night was the annual Medmal Mixer, the annual event where law students and med students get together and mix as well as middle schoolers at a 6th grade dance. You'd think that throwing together a bunch of young people, lots of beer, and a DJ would lead to some pretty crazy stories, but it doesn't. It can be summed up as a night starting with a guarded sense of optimism that always ends up in expected disappointment. This year was no different. It begins with the grade school freeze-out (law students one area, med students the other), followed by the awkward attempts at mixing, and ending with the inevitable conclusion that med students just don't know how to have fun (except of course, for Nye's wife).

So why do we do it every year? Easy, we're hoping the nurses show up, just once. The nursing students are like the guy or girl that you've always had a crush on, so you invite them to any social event you have, knowing full well that their response of "oh yeah, that would be fun, I'll see if I can make it," really means "I don't know why you think you can talk to me, but please don't make this mistake again." Hurts so good.

Without the nurses (read as - people who actually know how to have fun), the MedMal will continue to be a night where a bunch of law students drink with a bunch of people who know that we can end their respective careers with one good malpractice case. That, my friends, is a recipe for one wicked party.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

"I was built for tacos"

So I got some motivation, went to the grocery store, and made myself tacos tonight.

This isn't a big deal, but it did remind me of the better days in undergrad. The days in undergrad where I entered a mano y mano taco eating competition in Nags Head. The rules were simple, who could eat more tacos in half an hour.

I won. Handily. This was no small feet, as I was facing off against a man of Latin American descent. I know what you're saying, "Tre, tacos are pretty much an American food." True, but I remember eating tacos more than once in Costa Rica, so take that.

The real moral of the story is that guys will compete in pretty much anything. There were rickshaws downtown this weekend, so what was my first thought? Let's rent two and make them race around the block. I just moved into an apartment with a nice view of downtown, first thoughts? Let's build a green on the roof of the house below mine, so we can have chipping contests (OK, this is a lie, my first thought was "Can I build a zipline to the Hofbrahaus?" I'm looking into the zoning.)

Oh, I guess you're probably wondering, final score was 26-14. True, I could have stopped when I saw him choking everything down around 12, but I have pride. Also, the pile of vomit that I left about 3 blocks away from the restaurant wouldn't have been as big.

And no, I don't order a grande meal when I go to Taco Bell, once again, I have pride (some)

Monday, April 10, 2006

Duke Lacrosse

Don't get me wrong, rape allegations are serious, but they need to be evaluated seriously from both sides. The recent Duke "guilty until proven innocent" episode speaks to this need.

So is reporting that the defense attorney for the Duke Lacrosse players says there is no DNA match. While the prosecutor has said even without a DNA match, he'll still go forward with the case, one would hope he'd reconsider. Everything has been fishy about this from the start. Check out the timeline. She makes the 911 call and reports the incident for the first time too drunk to move in the driver's seat of a car in a Kroger parking lot? All I'm saying is I say a lot of stupid things when I've been drinking. Furthermore, there are the discrepancies with the 911 call, but this wouldn't make for good news, so we didn't hear about it. What about the 8 days that passed between the alleged incident and the search that turned up the broken fingernails? These kids may be fratastic assholes, but they aren't complete idiots. If they had done something like gang rape a stripper, I'm guessing they would have disposed of any evidence before a whole week passed. No one questioned any of this evidence, mainly because everyone was busy tiptoeing around the race issue and the gender issue. There wasn't much room for logical analysis.

This may just be a big defense gimmick used to cast more doubt on the situation, but if it's not, there are a lot of apologies that need to be made. I'm talking to all you activists who ran to Durham to bang on pots and pans in front of a bunch of college kids' house. Allegations of rape and sexual assault are serious, but so is persecuting innocent people. There's no better rush than a rush to judgment!! Here's guessing the activists don't voice their regret as loudly as they voiced their condemnation.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Boycott shampoo.

Demand real poo.

Friday, April 07, 2006

Life plan update: I'm moving to Japan

Friend in Japan (FiJ): TRE
Tre: what up
FiJ: how you doin
FiJ: i'm drunk in japan
FiJ: thought you'd appreciate
Tre: haha, nice
Tre: im doing well
Tre: in class in cicny
FiJ: get the pun?
FiJ: does that translate over IM?
Tre: haha, yes, very creative, i got it
FiJ: you love it
Tre: how is japan?
FiJ: its ridiculous
FiJ: tonight was a work party and they basically have a power hour... for 3 hours
FiJ: but japanese peopel can't hold their alcohol
FiJ: so the antics ensue
Tre: thats awesome
Tre: sounds like i need to move there
FiJ: they think i can drink a lot
FiJ: between your unfathomable height
FiJ: and ability to drink
FiJ: they would make you a deity
Tre: that would be amazing

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Another question of the day

My second cousin once removed is a judge on the Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals. For those of you who aren't good with consanguinity tables, let me construct this tree for you -- she is my dad's mom's dad's brother's son's daughter. Shockingly, I have never met her. Nor, for that matter, has my father or grandmother.

So the question is, how do I parlay this into a federal judicial clerkship?

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Finally Move is complete

It's 10 PM on Tuesday, and I can say I'm 95% done with moving. For the sake of argument, I'm calling that complete. Moving blows.

What blows more about moving is having a Tornado warning the first night you move into your new place. Oh, and your apartment is pretty much made out of doors and windows. Good times.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Question of the day

Why do shower farts smell so bad? I think on average they are probably 12 to 15 times worse than regular farts.

My first guess was that regular farts smell just as bad initially, but that they are then filtered by your clothes. This does not explain, however, why shower farts smell worse than regular naked farts. (The appropriate time for all of you to stop imagining me naked is... now.)

So clearly it must be the water. But why? How?