Saturday, February 11, 2006

Sloppy yawn

Kids these days. I tell you, they just don't know how to behave. So there I was, minding my own business, standing at the lookout at Alms Park here in Cincinnati, talking to my brother on the phone. It was about 8:30 pm. OK, now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Nye, why were you standing at the lookout at Alms Park there in Cincinnati, talking to your brother on the phone, at 8:30 pm?" And if you're from Cincinnati or anything south thereof, you might add "in the middle of a snowstorm." I mean after all, there have been light flurries on and off for the last two hours.

Well, I'm tempted to answer that it's none of your goddamned business why I was standing at the lookout at Alms Park, talking to my brother on the phone, at 8:30 pm, but that wouldn't be a a very good end to my story, now would it? The thing is, I don't get good cell phone reception at my house, and as I was driving back toward it, I realized that my conversation with my brother wasn't going to end by the time arrived. So I took a little detour into Alms Park, which overlooks Lunken Airport. I figured if I was going to be talking to my brother I might as well see if I could see some airplanes take off. I've always liked airplanes.

Now, you've got to understand that at 8:30 pm in February in Cincinnati, it is dark. When it's dark, and "snowing," not many people go to the park. Shocking, I know. But there I was, alone in the park, so I figured I'd get out of my car and mosey on over to the lookout area and watch some airplanes take off. To help you get a visual here, I've included a little map below. See that red dot? That's where my car was.

I stood outside, waiting for an airplane to take off, talking to my brother, for like five minutes. All alone, in the park. Pretty soon I see some headlights creep around the corner. My first thought? "Wuh oh, I bet that's a drug deal and I'm about to get shot." I told my brother as much too, where he could find my body and all. Nevermind that Alms Park is surrounded by multimillion-dollar houses in a fancy neighborhood. I decided that if it was a drug deal, the best possible way to avoid getting shot was to make myself clearly visible, so I leaned on the trunk of my car (which was already parked under a streetlight, mind you) and faced this other car, a green jeep, which had now come to stop about 20 feet away, where the blue dot is on the map below.

See? Right behind me.

I'm still chatting away with my brother about who knows what, when I can see that the car has two decidedly non-threatening looking occupants. Probably high school kids, maybe a little older. Guy and a girl. Probably not a drug deal. We make eye contact, I give the universal "don't shoot me" look, and I think everything is going to be fine. So I walk back over to the lookout and keep chatting up my brother. We're sort of wrapping up the conversation, when I realize, they haven't gotten out of the car yet.

Hmm. What could they be doing? Keep in mind that they knew I was there, and that to get back to my car I would have to walk right by theirs.

Yeah, sure enough, she was giving him a blowjob, right there in Alms Park, at 8:30 pm. While I was not 30 feet from their car.

Now, I understand that when the mood is right, sometimes you've just gotta drop trou and get to it. But I will never forgive myself for not knocking on the window to ask if they were having car trouble, or calling the police and then sitting and waiting, or something. These are my biggest regrets in life.

So, to recap. BJ, in the park, with an audience. Kids these days.

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