Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Highlight films

One of the things that every aspiring college football player does at some point in his high school career is make a highlight film. Usually this involves putting your best runs, biggest hits, and most crushing blocks on tape and sending it out to any school that may be interested.

Quite often there is creative editing involved. In one of my high school games, for example, my buddy had a nice run with the ball, fumbled it right into the arms of a defender about five yards away, and then absolutely laid the guy out to make up for it. So what did he do? Started recording after the fumble and before the monster hit, of course. For all those coaches knew he was a blitzing linebacker on that play. Hey, you need every edge you can get in the ultra-competitive recruiting game.

But I think this crosses a line. Reggie Bush actually went out and recorded himself running around an empty field and then added "defenders" in digitally, after the fact. I mean, there's no other possible explanation for the runs on this tape. Right?

The video is here. Accompanying article here.

Links from Student of the Game, via Deadspin.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

"Not my knuckles, just my palms."

One of my classmates is complaining that her palms ache today. The general consensus around the lunch table is that this is somehow the fault of unusual Eastern European sex practices involving excessive squeezing. So, be cautious around those Hungarian girls.

UPDATE: WebMD lists possible causes as syphilis, pregnancy, or Kawasaki disease. Regrettably, riding motorcycles will not give you Kawasaki disease, though I understand that's a leading cause of pregnancy.

Paging Dr. Mix-a-lot

It's a sad, sad day when you see this headline. I can't imagine being a doctor and having to say, "Sorry, fatass, you didn't get any medicine, why don't you try hitting the treadmill." I mean, first you have to ask someone with an enormous ass to drop trowel, then you have to suffer the indignity of telling them that there is no way in hell a tiny little needle makes it through that massive layer of fat. I'm so glad I'm in law school as opposed to med school.

I mean, at least this problem is all the way over in Ireland. It's a good thing that Americans aren't getting too fat or anything....doh.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Weddings Mean Love (and booze)

So I've been meaning to post this for awhile, but just kept forgetting, finally Nye reminded me with his post of the IM convo the other day.

This summer I had a number of weddings to attend. Each wedding was preceded by a pretty good email thread of a bunch of mid-20s guys trying to figure out how to act at a wedding. I'll try to post some of the "greatest hits" every now and then. Here's one thread:

From: W
Subject: Dress for the wedding
Guys, I was wondering if I have to wear a suit at the wedding, it's gonna be pretty hot out all day. What do you think?

From: L
Subject: RE:Dress for the wedding

W, stop your bitching. I am going to be wearing a fucking tux in the burg in July at an outdoor wedding. For your information it is currently 99 degrees in the burg. On a serious note though, I think the suit is the more appropriate outfit. Just do what Tre does: dress up in a suit and 15 minutes into the reception/formal get so drunk the suit and shirt are off and sweat is pouring through your undershirt. I will also be following this methodology this weekend.I would love to be standing at the altar and turn to see your two drunk asses smoking a cigarette in the back row. Extra points if Tre’s tie is already off. Wear the suit you Greek.

From: W
Rest assured L, me and tre will be in the back, blacked out, smoking, taking a piss that we can’t hold, and yelling "Don’t do it (groom)! (bride) is whore! And (other groomsman) is a vagina!"...we will then give eachother hi-fives for yelling "vagina" so loud...Funny thing is, something tells me you’ll be doing the same thing up there in front of everyone...

Oh, and we're gonna do the best city in Ohio competition after exams. Too much effort right now. I want to do this bad boy right.

Friday, November 25, 2005

All - Ohio City Tournament

Brinkman had a great idea. We need to settle this debate, once and for all. This debate is, of course, which city is the best in Ohio.

Dayton Cincinnati Columbus Canton
Cleveland Akron Toledo Youngstown

This breakdown would give us a "Northern" and a "Southern" division.

Some criteria I would suggest: Things to do (not necessarily cultural), sports teams (college and pro), cleanliness, best bars, beautiful people per capita, weather, traffic, and a catch-all "other" category. I'm sure I'm missing some major ones, so feel free to suggest. We'll be having the draw this weekend for the first round matchups. Make suggestions for new categories before then.

I'll try to look into some sort of voting mechanism that we can post on here.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Giving Thanks

I am thankful that:

I’m back in the Cleveland area. It just seems cleaner than Cincinnati. Oh, you want to argue this? Really, answer this: 75% of what city often smells like raw sewage (unfortunately, this is not an exaggeration)?

Exams are coming up. Yay! I love exams. I also love viral meningitis and quality time with ex-girlfriends.

Our 4th grade gym teacher was out at the bar last night, and that he tried hitting on all my friends by saying he only liked girls whose ass could fit into this (making a gesture with his thumbs touching and pinky’s extended). I think this restricts his target demographic to 4th graders and below, how ironic….. And yes, I tried to convince by brother to tell the gym teacher how much his sit-and-reach has improved.

Cheaper by the Dozen II AND Yours, Mine, and Ours will be in theatres this season. What says hilarious comedy more than wacky families with a lot of kids getting into all sorts of mischief? Colonoscopies, for one.

They keep playing that stupid Dukes of Hazard ringtone commercial for Nokia. I know there is at least one guy in the world getting less action than me.

I’m not a professional athlete. By the amount of complaining that they do, it’s obvious how tough these guys have it. Can you really believe that a company would tell its employees how to dress? By “employees” I’m speaking of people who are paid millions of dollars to play some sort of sport for 8 months a year. I see how rough their lifestyles are every now and then on MTV cribs. I hate when my foyer waterfall gets clogged.

I am a Cleveland Indians fan. We develop players, you grow up with them, you invest in them. I’d hate to be a Red Sox fan. One year after winning the World Series for the first time in more than one generation, the fan base runs the GM that delivered the title out of Boston. Smart.

I didn’t follow up on my “we should buy Worldcom” idea when the stock was down to 3 cents a share. I'm now free to throw all that money away on booze and hookers. I mean, just booze.

My brother just showed up and told me that I need to dress up for dinner. He’s dressed in an old 3-piece suit that he took out of my Dad’s closet with his hair slicked back. He looks like a cross between a 70s disco star and an Amish man.

Now I’m going to go stuff myself. Those of you that know me, and my aspirations to become a world-champion competitive eater know that this is a long, involved process. It’s more difficult when you have two other 6’3” and taller, 225 plus males to compete with for the grub. Good thing my Mom is on Atkins.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

PSA

Remember the 7th Floor Crew? Well the kid who "broke" the "story" has been kicked out of on-campus housing. But don't worry, they say it's for his own good. Deadspin, as usual, has the details.

Like Deadspin, I'm encouraging everyone to contact The U to tell them how ridiculous this really is. You can contact the school here or email the dean of students here.

Enjoy the holiday.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

King Without a Crown

So we usually leave music tips to people who actually know something about music, but due to the fact that I've been listening to this CD on repeat the last few days, especially the track that is the title of this blog, I felt obligated to pass this on. Also, I felt obligated to make that last sentence go on forever.

Anyway, here it is: Matisyahu - Live at Stubbs. Go download it, legally of course, or go to Best Buy, whatever. Or check out his website, did I mention that he's a Hasidic reggae artist? If that doesn't get you interested, I don't what will.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

VICTORY

I'm still way too hungover to make any sort of attempt at a meaningful post, but I just want to thank the Buckeyes for taking care of business yesterday. The dramatic fashion in which the game ended also gave me a surplus of Michigan fan's tears. I ended up with a couple bottles of them, and I will save them for New Year's and savor the fruits of my effort as I get ready to root for the Buckeyes during a New Year's bowl (I've heard Michigan may attempt to get a bid in the D-III playoffs). What do Michigan fan's tears taste like? Like the nectar of the gods, but better.

Nye was supposed to take some notes regarding the smack I talked yesterday, but things fell apart. If some of the greatest hits come back to me, I'll post them. It was a great day.

Email of the week

In response to my statement that I had two papers due this week and therefore probably should not hang out and watch football:

I can't help but notice that when your workload increases, so do the posts on your blog.
Hm. Interesting. No comment.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Question

Should Ohio State think about intentionally losing to Michigan next year? It can't be a rivalry if the same team wins all the time.

Best rivalry?

Unfortunately I've been forced to have some 'debates' with a few idiots about what is the biggest and best college football rivalry. I think these maps say it all.

"What is the best Rivalry Week game on Saturday?" 66% chose Ohio State/Michigan. Even the people in Virginia agree that it's better than VT-UVa.


"Which rivalry would you like to attend Saturday?" Once again, 66% chose Ohio State/Michigan. Even the people in California would rather go to The Game than their own Cal-Stanford contest.

Eat it.

O H I O

This website basically sums everything up:

http://www.scottkropko.com/michigan_still_sucks.htm

GO BUCKS!

If everything goes right, my day will end up at some bar singing Hang On Sloopy over, and over, and over, and over. Or at least until those hicks up in Michigan hear us.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Happy anniversary!

Deadspin notes that today is the 20th anniversary of Lawrence Taylor snapping Joe Theismann's leg like a twig. Deadspin calls it "brutal" and "nasty," and many people consider it the single worst sports injury ever.

Personlly, I don't even think it's the worst injury in the history of Monday Night Football. Anyone who thinks otherwise simply must have forgotten poor Napoleon McCallum. On September 5, 1994 the San Francisco 49ers hosted the LA Raiders in both teams' season opener. On McCallum's third carry of the game, San Francisco linebacker Ken Norton, Jr. ended his career. I recommend watching the video, but only on an empty stomach.

Did you ever know that you're my hero?

We here at You Can't Get Arrested for Being Awesome strongly believe that everybody needs heroes. Whether you admire those who are extremely brave, those who think outside the box, or those who are wildly popular for no good reason, the important thing is that you be inspired to be all that you can be, and then some.

So whom do we admire? Well, as you might suspect, we look up to the bold, the clever, and the popular. But most of all we look up to people who do awesome things that you can't get arrested for (dangling prepositions notwithstanding). Herewith, the first official installment of Awesome Things for which You Can't Be Arrested.
  • The bold - Bears get into fight at FBI shooting range. First, we'd like to apologize for not mentioning this story sooner -- we initially ignored the headline because we thought they were real bears in some sort of outdoors story. In any case, a fistfight at a shooting range? That's a little like bringing a knife to a gunfight, except without the knife. We admire that sort of bravado.
  • The clever - Nursing home has its own pub. This is a great way to encourage those older employees to accept that early retirement package, no?
  • The popular - Meet Kyle Munzenreider and behold the power of the internet. On Tuesday afternoon Kyle blogged about an obscure rap song created about two years ago by a group of University of Miami students known as the 7th Floor Crew. At least one (and reportedly two) of the voices on the nine-minute epic are Miami football players. The story was picked up later that day by Deadspin.com (one of the best sports sites out there, by the way) and on Wednesday afternoon Miami wide receiver Sinorice Moss was asked about it in an ESPN chat. By the time I woke up on Thursday morning ESPN.com had made something out of nothing and was forcing "The U" to issue apologies. But what of Kyle? Apparently poor Kyle is not only getting blasted in comments and emails, his phone number is now circulating the internet as well. Judging by the fake suicide note posted on the blog (since replaced by a picture of a kitten) I'm guessing that the majority of those messages aren't very encouraging. And all Kyle did was report the existence of the song.

So join us in raising a glass to the Chicago Bears, St. Mary's Hospital, and Kyle Munzenreider. And don't forget -- you can't get arrested for being awesome.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Interesting Court Case out of Columbus

Columbus, OH (AP) - A seven year old boy was at the center of a Franklin County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the University of Michigan Wolverines, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone ......

Go Bucks!

The best part of Michigan is under water.


Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Vote early, vote often

One of our classmates here at UC Law, Charlie Anness, is a finalist in the mtvU.com Best Film on Campus contest.

To enter the contest he filmed and submitted a trailer for an original screenplay titled "Grading Curves," which is about two students who establish a "scholarship for hot chicks." If that doesn't sound like a blockbuster, I don't know what does. Anyway, if he wins the online voting he'll get a whole bunch of cool crap and enter into negotiations for a development deal with MTV Films.

So go here and vote for "Grading Curves," by Charlie Anness. Vote as many times as you can. If he wins, Charlie will buy you a cookie.

Weddings Mean Love (and booze)

So I've been meaning to post this for awhile, but just kept forgetting, finally Nye reminded me with his post of the IM convo the other day. This summer I had a number of weddings to attend. Each wedding was preceded by a pretty good email thread of a bunch of mid-20s guys trying to figure out how to act at a wedding. I'll try to post some of the "greatest hits" every now and then. Here's one thread:

From: W
Subject: Dress for the wedding
Guys, I was wondering if I have to wear a suit at the wedding, it's gonna be pretty hot out all day. What do you think?

From: L
Subject: RE:Dress for the wedding

W, stop your bitching. I am going to be wearing a fucking tux in the burg in July at an outdoor wedding. For your information it is currently 99 degrees in the burg. On a serious note though, I think the suit is the more appropriate outfit. Just do what Tre does: dress up in a suit and 15 minutes into the reception/formal get so drunk the suit and shirt are off and sweat is pouring through your undershirt. I will also be following this methodology this weekend.

I would love to be standing at the altar and turn to see your two drunk asses smoking a cigarette in the back row. Extra points if Tre’s tie is already off. Wear the suit you Greek.

From: W

Rest assured L, me and tre will be in the back, blacked out, smoking, taking a piss that we can’t hold, and yelling "Don’t do it (groom)! (bride) is whore! And (other groomsman) is a vagina!"...we will then give eachother hi-fives for yelling "vagina" so loud...

Funny thing is, something tells me you’ll be doing the same thing up there in front of everyone...


Oh, and we're gonna do the best city in Ohio competition after exams. Too much effort right now. I want to do this bad boy right.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Who says guys can't cook?

The actual text of an IM conversation I had with Tre about three hours ago:
Tre: hold on, i need to go do the next step of the recipe for dinner
Nye: ok, what are you making?
Tre: microwave lasagna, i need to remove cover and cook on 50% for 7 mintues

The bachelor in me

I love being married, but I have to admit -- sometimes when my wife is on call (and I therefore have to fend for myself for dinner) I have a very strong urge to go to the grocery store, buy a package of chocolate chip cookie dough, and just eat the entire thing in one sitting.

Speaking of being married -- and this has nothing to do with being married, I just needed a segue -- I think you have to be pretty ballsy to try this form of birth control. Tee hee. Ballsy.

Finally, a warning to all you budding socialists (read: tax-and-spend liberals) out there. I consider this to be the direct result of a government-run healthcare system.

Let's hope our mothers aren't "cool"

I mean, let's hope they aren't cool like this lady.

I'm confused about how a 41-year-old woman could really be feeling like "part of the group" of a bunch of 16 and 17-year-old boys. I guess she must have had a bunch of pornos hidden under her mattress, talked about what girls she though were hot (or easy), and worried about the cops showing up at her "parties." Or maybe it was the high school guys who were worried about their 401K, what that last Oprah Book Club book really meant, and the impending onset of menopause. Either way, there was obviously some sort of common ground.

Novel approach, but I can't imagine a 41-year-old woman talking about where she's going after homecoming.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Revising the American Image

John McCain has come out publicly saying that the US needs to expressly ban torture of prisoners to repair the American image. John McCain is a badass, and has endured his own torture as a P.O.W. However, for political concerns, Mr. McCain had to stop short with his recommendation for repairing America's image. Luckily, I don't care about politics, so I'll round out the plan for America with a few of my own suggestions:

The electric chair and lethal injections are slowly phased out. The gauntlet from Running Man is slowly phased in.

We trade "American Cheese" for "Brazilian Bikini Wax," straight up.

End the charade, stop pussyfooting around, and just annex Canada. However, we send Celine Dion to France first.

Columbus Day is replaced with a holiday that honors a real national hero, Jack Daniels. However, everyone still goes to work, but we all go drunk. Creativity soars, concrete results are non-existent. Taco Bell and Pizza delivery places do record business. Everyone gets some office booty.

"Wussy" Supreme Court decisions can now be overruled by a three-member panel consisting of Mr. T, Mike Ditka, and The Rock.

The FMLA is expanded to include one week of time off for bachelor/bachelorette parties in Vegas or Atlantic City. Gambling losses during this timeframe are also tax deductible.

Water fountains? Oh, you must be mistaken, those are now whiskey fountains.

Remind everyone that there is no crying in baseball, or in football press conferences. This means you, Dick Vermeil.

The "Whaaasssuuuppp?" from the old beer commercials is now a proper business greeting.

Government hires Chuck Norris full-time. He gives serious beat-downs to anyone with a popped collar. Excessive trendiness and acting like you have lots of money is quashed for the time being.

It will not be considered sexual harassment to require secretaries to wear Hooters outfits. I'm talking male or female.

Miranda warnings are replaced by an open-handed slap to the mouth. This is not abuse, merely a reminder that you shouldn't open your mouth until your lawyer gets there, you dirty criminal.

Ashlee Simpson and Jessica Simpson fight to the death. Then the winner gets eaten by a bear.

Nationwide releases of "Romantic Comedies" are replaced by "Hardcore Pornography."

America, we won't torture you anymore, but we're still one bad-ass mofo.

(Also, If I'm in charge I'd like the champion of the WNBA to play the number one ranked boy's high school team in a nationally televised event. I want to end this debate once and for all.)

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Oh, those crazy Canadians...

A city councillor in Vancouver wants the city to open a brothel. Canada is quickly turning into The Netherlands, isn't it?

Friday, November 11, 2005

Happy Veterans Day

So, guess which idiot went to work today because he didn't realize that no one would be in the office on Veteran's Day, even though he works at freaking City Hall.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Deconstructionists, Dude

We already know that professors will say and do the darnedest things, so let's add one more onto the pile. Here's one of my favorite recent emails:
Here's more from my deconstructionist Con Law II prof: "When I was, what is now called a, uh, homeless person, and what was then called a street hippie, my soon-to-be-now-ex-wife and I arrived in arizona in the 1955 Buick we had bought for $100. We bought a campsite for $4 and started to look for work. She found work, I didn't, and long story short we ended up in the Flagstaff welfare office. Now, Arizona has an ingenius welfare plan. They, no joke, gave us $10 cash and said 'there, that should give you enough gas to get to California.' The idea was that, even though Reagan was running California, they had a much better welfare system. So we went to California and it was great. We scammed the system, got double benefits, and stayed in a 'hotel.' But this was after we were pissed off at Arizona for not giving us actual welfare, we took the $10 the first time around and used it to ... buy pot. [scores of laughter from the class]. No, just kidding about that. I never, ah, [cracking up himself] smoked. OK. On to Shapiro." And the class lost it.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Warning: You may have to read to understand this warning

I just saw a commercial for Lunesta, that new perscription sleeping pill. My favorite warning for medications used to be the heartburn medication that caused diarrhea. However, this new one takes the cake.

Lunesta is a sleeping pill that has the possible side effect of: drowsiness. No Shit! A sleeping pill might make me drowsy? Good thing you witty sons of bitches pointed this out. I mean, who would take a sleeping pill and think they might get drowsy, let alone fall asleep. I mean, this is like saying that alcohol makes ugly people pretty and may cause unwanted pregnancy. It's just a given. We really need to stop dumbing everything down. This is why europeans make fun of us. That and the fact that we tried to rename french fries to freedom fries. And Freddy Prinze Jr. And any reality show on Fox. OK, nevermind.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

The filibuster

I think it's time we all agreed to stop perpetuating the myth that the filibuster was one of the greatest inventions of our nation's founding fathers and that it's a tool designed to protect minority interests. The filibuster is an historical accident, and in its current form dates only to 1917.

Article I, section 5 of the Constitution says that "[e]ach House may determine the rules of its proceedings." The first Senate rules were adopted by a majority vote of the first Congress in 1789. There were 19 rules at the time, and they have been modified periodically over the last 216 years. Presently there are 43 Standing Rules.

The original Rule VIII defined the privileged motions; privileged motions may be made at any time and, if they receive a second, they are immediately voted upon. Among the privileged was a motion "for the previous question" -- that is, a motion to vote on the issue being debated. If this motion was approved by a simple majority, the debate was ended and a vote on the "main question" was taken. This was a common rule at the time -- it had been used by the British parliament for a few hundred years, the Continental Congress, and the House of Representatives. (The House still uses it today; Rule XVI(4)(a) identifies a motion for the previous question as being subordinate only to a motion to adjourn and a motion to table an issue.)

In 1806 the Standing Rules of the Senate were revised for the first time. Aaron Burr was then the Vice President, and in his capacity as the President of the Senate recommended that the motion for the previous question be abolished. He could see no use for it, as it had only been used only once during his tenure, and even then it was only used on an amendment to a bill. The Senate adopted Burr's revisions to the Rules without adding any provision to limit debate. At no point did the Senators discuss (or even appear to recognize the possibility of) a "right to filibuster." They simply overlooked the fact that they no longer had a tool to end debate and force a vote.

History supports this conclusion. The first filibuster didn't occur for more than 30 years after removing the motion for the previous question, and filibusters were rare until the post-Civil War era. Moreover, the Senate tried to reinstate the motion for the previous question four times in the latter half of the 19th century. During this period the only way to force an end to debate was by compromise, by relinquishment of the floor, or by adjournment.

The modern filibuster dates only to 1917 -- a scant 88 years ago, hardly the era of our founding fathers -- when the Senate adopted a cloture rule allowing a supermajority of the Senate to end
debate.

What's the point of all this? The point is that the filibuster is not the invention or the intention of the founding fathers. You are free to accept or reject the policy arguments in favor of or against the filibuster, of course, but to claim that doing away with the filibuster (or "going nuclear," so to speak) is unconstitutional, or that the filibuster should be retained because "that's the way we've always done it," or because "that's what the founding fathers intended" is not only illogical but not grounded in fact.

I'm sure there are a number of places you can read up on the real history of the filibuster, but this paper (PDF) from the Harvard Journal of Law & Public Policy gives a nice summary of the facts.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Deer Hunting

I know a bunch of guys think they're manly because they go sit in a camouflaged tent in the middle of nowhere and wait for deer to happen across their nest.

However, due to recent developments, there is only one way to hunt deer and still be a man.

Included in this article from ESPN.com is one of the best paragraphs that I've ever read:

"Goldsberry, about 6-feet-1 and 200 pounds, entered the bedroom to confront the deer and, after a brief struggle, emerged to tell his wife to call police. After returning to the bedroom, the fight continued. "

So he's beating the crap out of this deer, leaves for a minute to tell his wife to call the cops, then returns to finish the beatdown? Amazing.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Netflix class action

I'm not a Netflix user, but if any of you are you might want to check out this post about a class action settlement that's coming your way. Could be bad news.

House for sale

It's a 3-bed/3-bath, built 1910 but recently remodeled. Oak floors, fireplaces, the works. Great Denver neighborhood, good schools, etc. Only $600,000. Plus, if you buy it, you get a wife for free.

Be sure to check out the photo gallery. Of the house.

Mr. T starts getting real

I can't tell if the production, writing, or singing is the best part.

Mr. T tells us to respect our Mothers (watch out for the Aretha Franklin-esque spelling of Mother).

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Buggered by a dog

I can't wait to get out of law school and into the real world so I can start representing clients like this. This kind of story makes it all worthwhile, doesn't it?

I'm a little confused though. Does that technically count as criminal defense, or animal law?

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Crim Pro Quotes

In an attempt to justify my man-crush, I think it's necessary for me to blog a few quotes from my Crim Pro prof every now and then.

"I brought this cake in today to celebrate the birth of the new court." "Sorry, I ate half of it myself."

"At this point the defense attorney and his client are like Brooke Shields and her Calvin Kleins, nothing gets between them."

"We've all been there before, it's the end of the summer, and you're wondering if all this lovey-dovey crap was just the beer talking."

"A Miranda attorney isn't a real attorney, it's like if you have to go to the prom, and you don't have a date, and you take your cousin or something."

"So the only way to say you want an attorney to a cop is saying 'give me an attorney, you bleepity bleep.'"

"Miranda made money by selling autographing the little green cards that police give you, and I got one. Then I brought it to class once, and someone ripped it off, so if you see it on eBay, please let me know."

Respek.