Thursday, August 11, 2005

Did anyone ever tell you that I look like Brett Favre?

Well, I don't so much anymore. But when I was in high school, our hair was similar, and we had the same shaped face. What really did it was that our beards both have light red tinges to them. We could have been twins. I'm not even joking. Anyway, the point is, remember those back-to-back-to-back MVP seasons? The two Super Bowl appearances? How do you know that wasn't me out there?

Also, that big lug who just got called for pass interference on the Packers' first drive of the second half? Sean McHugh. I was once involved in a low-speed car chase with him around Fairmount Circle at Lander. I also peed on his truck, and drew a 15-yard penalty by grabbing his junk at the bottom of a pile when we played against him in high school.

My connections to this Packers team just amaze me. Somehow my destiny is involved here. Perhaps as a coach? That's a real photo, by the by, I'm just not so good with the redeye reduction.

OK, so, what was I going to blog about again today? Oh yeah, erectile dysfunction. Let's be clear right off the bad -- I don't have it. I do know, however, that should I ever develop it I am not a good candidate for Viagra, Levitra, Cialis, or whatever else they're selling by then, because of my leaky mitral valve. For those of you non-physicians, that's not in the cock-n-balls, that's in the heart, so there's no need to get grossed out here.

I don't object to either erectile dysfunction or the proliferation of treatments for it. What I object to is that we're calling it "E.D." now. This is a problem for two reasons. First, that when people aren't saying "erectile" anymore, we're no longer sharing a little stifled giggle and furtive glance around the room. Second, and more importantly, giving things cutesy little acronyms only leads to them being accepted by the general public. See, e.g., ADHD, DUI, NHL, and WWE. We don't need more "E.D." out there. We don't need more commercials with women smiling coyly at their men, and men talking about how things are "different," and everyone in the room feeling as awkward as if they were watching a sex scene with their parents. No one needs that.

Let's call this the official start to the campaign to stamp out "E.D." commercials. Tell your doctor, call your cable company, write your congressmen. Just please, stop the madness.

4 comments:

Bothered by "E.D." said...

The other thing that is really bothersome are the genital herpies commercials that let our youth know its ok to have it...

johnnytsmum said...

as bad as the "e.d." and genital herpies commercials are, im a little concerned about you grabbing another guy's junk...on purpose! as stimulating as football is, and lets be clear it is a great sport, i might punch a guy in the groin to take him out of play, but grabbing a guys jock knowing he's wearing a cup seems a little too friendly. im glad we're on the same flag football team.

Nye! said...

Oh, he wasn't wearing a cup.

NYE! 1.0 said...

I witnessed the cock grab. It wasnt one of those nice pat on the dick things, it was a grip n rip. As in, i want to mount this on the wall, no pun intended.