Tuesday, July 05, 2005

I have a biology degree, my wife is in medical school, and I still don't know the answer to this question

There's nothing like weddings/honeymoons/moving/working to give you a good case of writer's block. Blogger's block? Anyways, we're going to tempt fate with another work-related blog entry.
I don't like torts. I have a memo due Friday that requires me to identify each element of every Ohio tort with citations to recent Ohio Supreme Court cases, and let's just say that if ANYTHING else comes across my desk this week, it will have my full and prompt attention. Such was the case last week as well, when one of the attorneys here had me reading some deps. One particular case involved a man who had tripped on a manhole and fractured his penis. I don't have any idea how that happens, unless he was walking around with a hard-on. Although his doctor testified that the little guy was only 80% functional, his wife said she didn't notice any difference in his, uhm, performance.
Now, my question is this: reducing the function of his penis by one fifth did not affect sexual performance at all, that means he must have lost function in some other area. He also testified that he wasn't experiencing any differences with respect to urinating, sweating, or itching. That means that there must be some other unknown function, so what else can that sucker do?

9 comments:

Giselle said...

Uh, I don't think you can fracture a penis since there technically isn't a bone to fracture.

However, I think you need one of these.
http://www.delias.com/item.do?categoryID=&itemID=44808

Nye! said...

Wow, those are great.

You can fracture a penis, actually -- it involves tearing the lining of one of the cylinders that fills with blood. Not like a real bone, true, but it's still called a fracture.

The attorney who had me read the depositions, by the way, said that it was very difficult to remain professional during the whole ordeal, because both the physician (a penis specialist) and the plaintiff's attorney were women.

Dirty Martini said...

I found out today on BarBri's evil practice MBE that not only do I hate torts, but I don't know a DAMN thing about them!

Oh - and I dated a guy once who felt the need to explain why his penis was a little crooked by telling me a really graphic story about how he'd fractured it a couple years ago when his then girlfriend was "riding" him to hard. I never really believed him.

Giselle said...

Try this one on for size:

http://www.delias.com/item.do?categoryID=462&itemID=44666&sizeFilter=&brandFilter=

Nye! said...

According to this article (http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/menshealth/facts/penileinjury.htm) that's not uncommon. Of course, there's a good chance he was just crooked and was embarrassed about it. I know a guy who refers to his as "Little Italy," and not just because he's italian.

Nye! said...

Wow, that shirt's even better, I think. As soon as all our "readers" start clicking on those Google ads, we'll use the revenue to buy those (current revenue, by the way, is an unrealized profit of $0.59 -- 8 clicks in four months).

johnnytsmum said...

i actually read an article about it as well jeff in a mens mag at the ymca. maybe he was a porn star and now noone wants to look at his puffed up, crooked cock. he could sue on lost future profits.

BushCheney08 said...

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http://bushisnotantichrist.blogspot.com/

Menopausal Mommy said...

Listen to his wife. If she's not disgruntled, it's probably because he is excellent at foreplay. Which is what women prefer most about sex, anyway... that and the post-coidal cuddling!