Saturday, June 25, 2005

"I think I'm gonna cut back on my drinking" (Part 2)

Believe it or not, I actually stayed in last night, a very big step in cutting back on my drinking. True, this was mainly because my friends decided to stay in as well, and also because my biological clock was a little off due to the 6 red bull and vodkas I drank (or at least paid for) the night before.

However, tonight will be a different story, I'm going to a wedding. I've only been to 2 weddings in my life so far, and both have ended up with me blacked out. Let's review:

Wedding 1 (Williamsburg, Va, Oct. of 2003):

The wedding itself was in Wren Chapel and was a nice 30 minute ceremony. The reception was a 6 hour open bar and buffet held at a bar less than 100 feet from my house. The bride and groom had the inherent foresight to chose this, out "hangout" bar, as the site of the reception (OK, there are only 3 bars people go to in Williamsburg, so every bar could be considered our "hangout"). The atmosphere was less wedding reception and more drink-off. I say this because I had a chugging contest against the groom's boss (best of 5, I think) followed by Irish Car Bombs. This was an important part of the night, because it is pretty much the last thing I remember.

I had been talking to two twins the whole night, and things were going well. I was talking about classical music, opera, and many other things I really know nothing about, but give off the illusion that I'm cultured. After the open bar was over, we went back to my house and played beer pong in the backyard (obviously, anyone who is somewhat cosmopolitan has a beer pong table in their backyard). Somehow, someway, my words and actions degraded the twins once-esteemed view of me to the point they felt compelled to leave. I don't know if there was an exact moment when they decided to head out, but one may have been when I saw my ex-girlfriend, who was now dating my housemate (or ex-friend), and introduced the twins to her saying "Hey, this is K, she's a whore." Yes, I may say inappropriate things when I'm drunk at wedding receptions.

I ran into the twins at a bar later that night. I proceeded to ask the one I had been hitting on what she was doing talking to another guy. Then I shoved the guy away and got in his face. At this point I realized (ok, he told me) that he was the older brother of one of my friends. While it was awkward at the time, it makes for a great story whenever I run into him back in the 'burg.

At breakfast the next morning, the twin that I was talking to confided to the bride, "(Tre!) was really fun and interesting, then we went back to his house and he turned into a frat guy." Mmmm, if only she knew the half of it.

Mindy, if you are reading this, tell the twins I say hello and that I'm gonna cut back on my drinking.

Wedding #2 (Leland, MI, June of 2004):

This wedding was a little different, as I had to rent a hotel room with 4 high school friends. The hotel was a nice, quaint bed and breakfast that overlooked Lake Leelanau. The problem was that it was full of families that had packed water skis and picnic lunches for a relaxing weekend. We had packed Tanqueray, Smirnoff, Bacardi and the like. The only relaxing part of our weekend would be when we passed out.

The reception was held at the local country club and this time the open bar was "limited." However, this in no way "limited" my ability to get completely hammered.

Once again, two quotes punctuated my general debauchery for the evening. The first was to a high school classmate that I really hadn't liked in high school, but had changed a lot (he had joined the marines) and I changed as well, and now we seemed very similar: "Hey man, listen, I really f'ing hated you in high school, but now, you know, I really like you man." I don't know if my level of intoxication had made me forget my sexual orientation, or if I just had a huge man-crush on him, but it definitely seemed like I was hitting on him. However, he diffused the possibly awkward situation by letting me know that he felt the same way. My second sound bite would not avoid the awkward afterglow.

"Listen, if you ever break up with your boyfriend, give me a call, because I've had a crush on you since high school." This, my friends, is the way to a woman's heart. The real effect of this isn't fully grasped unless the whole conversation is relayed, but here is the gist of it (this follows the aforementioned pickup line):

Her: "Oh, that's really nice, I'm flattered."
Me: "OK, I felt a little weird saying it, but I feel like I had to."
Her: "Well, that was nice."
Me: "I'm sorry, I didn't want to make you feel awkward."
Her: "I don't, don't worry about it."
Me: "Good, so are you saying you'll think about it?"
Her: "Yeah, now it's getting awkward."

What? I would never leave well enough alone! Oh well. To the lucky female I had this conversation with, the offer still stands! Feel free to continue feeling awkward.

The night in Leland concluded with me feeling some sort of compulsion to sleep outside on the swing. I didn't really consider the repercussions of sleeping in the common area of a family bed and breakfast. Luckily, the 45 to 50 degree night temperature drove me in shivering at about 5 in the morning. Kids were spared the sight of a college kid in his boxers wrapped in a sheet reeking of Jim Beam with drool plastered across his face. "Oh honey, don't worry, when you get to college, you get really hammered at night and the mornings are a bitch."


In conclusion, I'm a little worried about what I might do at the wedding tonight, but I guess at least it's another blog entry.

On an unfortunately related note, Congratulations to Nye! and to both Abbies that are getting married tonight!

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