Saturday, April 23, 2005

NFL Draft diary, take two

1:09 – This pick just took all the fun out of the draft for me. Maybe someone will draft Mike Williams so the Vikings will trade with us.

1:10 – The Bears take Cedric Benson. I don’t like him because he said that he’d rather win the Heisman than beat Oklahoma. The radio host gave him three chances to take it back, but he said the Heisman was where it’s at. No wonder he didn’t do either.

1:13 – Suzy Kolber asks Cedric Benson, “Who is the real you?” Benson replies, “Man, I don’t even know.” Alright, if I’m a Bears fan now, I’m not feeling good at all. Their team just spent the No. 4 overall draft pick on a Texas RB who’s had a history of identity and marijuana problems. Sound familiar?

1:18 – We’re seeing a lot of uncomfortable shots of Aaron Rodgers in the green room. He knows that he probably won’t be picked soon, and at this point he’s questioning why he even came to New York. Normally you’d have commentary from a player who knows what the green room is like, but instead we have Torry Holt, so we’re getting more unsubstantiated rumors from Sal Paolantonio.

1:19 – The Bucs have 2 minutes left. They might take Rodgers I guess. But they need a WR too. Williams, maybe? Hopefully… Please?

1:22 – Carnell “Cadillac” Williams to the Buccaneers. Interestingly, Williams started over No. 2 pick Ronnie Brown while in college.

1:26 – OK, we’ve had this debate going since last night about why no one markets a razor for men’s genitals. I mean, for the women they have the Venus. Why not the Mars for men? It could have a big red dot marketing campaign, just like the Kotex commercials, and you could have some sort of super-flexible guy with his feet behind his head shaving the hair off his balls. It would be great.

1:29 – Nate wants to get interview by Suzy Kolber wearing only the team hat and a clip-on tie. Because he can’t clip it to a shirt, he says he’ll clip it to his scrotum. He could even market his own men’s genital razor, but has decided if he was a high draft pick he’d need his own brand, so he’d try to get a deal with Gilette to create the Mach 12. No no, the Cock 12.

1:31 – The Titans have a few minutes left, and they’ll probably take a CB. We’re fucked.

1:36 – Yeah, they take a CB. Pac-Man Jones. They cut to a shot of him with his family in Atlanta, and he’s got a giant diamond-encrusted Pac-Man medallion around his neck. Just awesome. This leads to an interesting discussion between the guys about why Pac-Man never has to relieve himself.

2:12 – OK, I needed a break in there. I’ve sufficiently calmed down now to come back to this thing. The Cardinals took Antrel Rolle at 8 and the Redskins have selected Carlos Rogers at 9. That means that Cal QB Aaron Rodgers is sitting by himself in the green room and has been since Rolle left after the eighth pick. None of the next ten teams have any real need for a QB, so he could still be there for a few hours.

2:15 – The Lions have just jumped at USC WR Mike Williams. Three years in a row, now, the Lions have spent a top-10 pick on a WR. That’s one hell of a lineup. But Detroit made the pick really fast – they wasted almost no time getting it up to the podium. Does that mean a trade is in the works? Stay tuned, I guess. Dallas is up.

2:17 – Where the hell is my pizza?

2:26 – The silence in this room is deafening. We probably have 3 or 4 hours till the Browns pick again, and we just don’t know what to do with ourselves.

2:28 – Dallas takes DeMarcus Ware, a defensive end from Troy State in Alabama. OK, sure. Troy State. The guy I want is still on the board. Any chance the Browns trade for him? No, not really.

2:36 – Oh boy! A green room interview with Aaron Rodgers! These are always awkward, and Rodgers is no exception. He looks sort of like he’s constipated and just can’t quite squeeze anything out, so he’s got that forced smile on his face. Just excruciating.

2:38 – Interview with Mike Williams. So far appears to be the smartest player taken, with the exception of wunderkind Alex Smith.

2:39 – Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that during my 36-minute hiatus, Nate lost out on his quest to drink a beer per pick. He’s now sleeping peacefully.

2:40 – Merril Hoge likes Mike Williams, but criticizes the pick because of the Lions’ defensive needs. He says that “it’s never really possible to tell what the heck Matt Millen is doing” there in Detroit. That’s a bit like the pot calling the kettle black, don’t you think?

2:41 – I always get a kick out of Ron Jaworski, because he always seems to be just a little too excited about whatever’s going on. But I like him, and so I’m rooting for the Browns to spend a late-round draft pick on UNC WR Jaworski Pollock. I have to think that Ron Jaworski would interview Jaworski Pollock all the time, and that it would be fun.

2:52 – The first trade of the draft. The Saints gave up their first pick this year and third next year to the Texans to move up six spots so they could take OT Jammal Brown. That was fun.

2:53 – Just got off the phone with the pizza place, because the pizza is still not here, even though it was promised half an hour ago. He agreed to take two bucks off. I should have held out, or told him not to come at all. Nate would have asked the delivery girl if he could “put the D in the M” instead of getting a discount. These are my friends.

OK, we're taking a break to eat pizza and play poker. I'll break in with periodic updates on the fate of Aaron Rodgers.

1 comment:

Cosmopolitan said...

Okay, wish I would have known you were planning to give minute-by-minute analysis of the draft. It would have been so much better than just listening to the TV on my own. Packers just took Aaron Rodgers by the way - hope you didn't miss that b/c of pizza and poker....