Friday, March 25, 2005

Law School Spring Break 2005, part two

A quick update on the tender crisp bacon cheddar ranch -- Mickey D’s has a new sandwich here in Cleveland, the Triple Double, that I think is their answer to the TCBCR. It's got triple the beef and double the cheese, and it’s plugged by Drew Gooden and Tractor Traylor instead of Hootie and Brooke Burke, but that’s close enough for me.

Wednesday
Last year: More debauchery involving my friends, only this time instead of empty cases of Natty Light and Spiderman underoos, the weapons of choice were the pots and pans found in the cupboards. Ran out of drinks, so we had to go back to Wal-Mart. This day also saw the best pickup line of the break, when my buddy Cesen was talking to some girls who said they liked washboard abs. “Good,” he said, “because I have some great ones -- I just have a load of laundry in right now.”
This year: OK, let me explain to you how infuriating it is to deal with the people at SprintPCS. This may take awhile. When I lived in Cleveland, I got a discount on my cell phone bill through my school. Now that I live in Cincinnati, I get no service. Nada, zilch, zippo, none. Unless I want to get in my car and drive to the end of the street. Real fucking convenient. So I went into the Sprint Store and told them I was going to take my business to Verizon, and that I wanted them to waive the early termination fee. They were perfectly willing to do this until they found out that I had a “corporate account” through the school. Only the Business Solutions group can waive early termination fees for corporate accounts, so I had to call them. They, too, were perfectly willing to waive the fee, until they found out that my name was not “Case Western Reserve University.” Just to make sure you’re still with me, I’ll recap this for you -- the Sprint Store won’t help me because I have a corporate account, and the corporate division won’t help me because I don’t own the corporation. Un believable. So then I set out to contact the people at the school who might be able to help me. This should have been very easy to do; C-Dub was Wired Magazine’s “Most Wired College in America” in 1999, so I figured all I had to do was go to the website, right? Wrong. Despite this school’s stated goal of becoming “the most powerful learning environment in the world,” the web site doesn’t list the fucking phone number for the Telephone Services office. And surprise surprise, no one is answering my emails. So I got in my car, drove the 40 minutes to fucking University Circle and barged into offices until I could make someone help me. Three hours later, I finally had my own goddamn name back on my cell phone account. Whoop de fucking do. Now I had to call back the people at Sprint Customer Care, because all the managers had left the store for the day at 4 o’clock, because, you know, there are no problems which can’t be resolved by a minimum wage employee during non-banking hours. Finally, I have Rhonda on the line at Customer Care, and after a half hour of re-explaining that three other people had already agreed to waive the early termination fee because I had no service at my home and all I need her to do is push the button and credit my account, she hit me with this gem: “Our map says you do have service, sir. We’re showing that you’re not having any problems.” Oh, OK. I’ll go tell my phone that your little map is green. Thanks a lot, fuckhead. At this point, I just could not take it anymore, and gave up for the day.


Thursday
Last year:
This was the start of March Madness, so most of us spent the bulk of the day in our rooms in front of the TVs. Minadeo’s hook up from the night before hung around just a little too long. In the evening Cesen (he of the washboard abs) fought a mechanical bull; lost. That night one of the guys got in trouble for removing a couch cushion from the room because he wanted to sleep by the pool. No idea why. This culminates in someone -- and I’m not saying that it was the same guy who wanted to sleep by the pool, but I’m not saying that it wasn’t -- flying off the handle and stabbing random doors with steak knives.
This year: Shaved my beard off. That was about all I had the energy to do after Wednesday.

This is shaping up to be the greatest spring break ever.

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