Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Law School Spring Break 2005, part 3

The final installment of Law School Spring Break 2005. (See also parts one and two.)

Last year:
Started the long trek back home. Stopped by Luke’s house in Tennessee again to eat and relax a little, and for some reason Leonard, who is really just a big, dumb, lovable animal decides he wants to ride a horse, and manages to rip his jeans from ankle to crotch in the process. Before we leave someone must have hit the wayback machine and taken us to 1880, because Mule pulled aside Luke to ask if he would object to Mule becoming pen pals with Luke’s sister.
This year: Hoo boy. You ever been on a donkey round-up? Of course you haven’t. What was I thinking? See, one of the things about living on a donkey farm is that sometimes the little buggers get out. Fences break or gates get left open, whatever. Normally this doesn’t cause much of a problem, because they really don’t have any desire to go anywhere. You just grab some grain and shake it at them, and they come running to the sweet sound of molasses, and you put them back in. But Friday, we ran into a little problem. As with any livestock, you have to keep the boy-donkeys and girl-donkeys separate, so you don’t have babies popping up all the time, and when you do have babies, you know where they came from. Well, the girl-donkeys managed to hop over a downed rail and get into the pasture right next to the boy-donkeys. And before we could round them up, one of the boy-donkeys managed to force his way through the fence and start chasing the girl-donkeys around the pasture. Now, I know these are miniature donkeys, but they’re not really that small, and when they get running, you’re not going to be able to step between them. So now Buster is chasing Cinnamon all over the pasture while the other boy-donkey is trying to bust through the fence and 17 other girl-donkeys are just beside themselves both because they’re out of their own pasture and because they don’t want Buster to start chasing them, and my little brother and I have no idea what to do. OK, that’s not true – we know exactly what we need to do, but neither of us has any desire to interrupt an equine mating ritual. (I mean, would you want to get anywhere near donkey dick? I didn’t think so.) Eventually my mother showed up and restored order (amazingly, they all know their names, but only when she calls them), and just in time too. Turns out that Cinnamon is actually Buster’s mom, so that would have been one messed-up baby donk. Oh yeah, and I finally managed to talk Sprint into reducing (but not waiving) the early termination fee for their retarded service. I now have a shiny new Verizon phone that actually works everywhere I go. In a delicious twist of fate, I no longer have to say, “Can you hear me now?”

Last year:
Had lunch with my fiancĂ©e again on the way back through Cincinnati. Couldn’t resist hassling some pimply-faced kids at the gas station who had just purchased 12 cases of Diet Pepsi by shouting, “hey, party tonight, huh guys?!” They didn’t get it.
This year: My parents and little brother went to Hilton Head for the week, so I spent the morning repairing the fences and feeling pleased with my farmer-ness. On my way downtown to watch basketball with some friends, I swung through Burger King to try the TCBCR. It was pretty good, except for the bacon – I should have expected this, since I worked at Burger King in high school, and knew that the bacon was not real bacon, and would be warmed up in a microwave instead of fried in a pan. But if I just had a TCTCR (tender crisp tomato cheddar ranch), it would have been outstanding. Something to think about.

Sunday was spent in transit back to the ‘Nati, so that’s all she wrote. Which one do you think was better?

1 comment:

Kenny! said...

I vote this year's. Hot weather sucks.