Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Law School Spring Break 2005, part 1

Sorry for not blogging lately. I've been too busy being awesome.

I'm coming to you live from the new and improved Kelvin Smith Library at Case Western Reserve University in be-yoo-tiful Cleveland, Ohio. I don't go to school here anymore, and after four years of it, that's a very good thing.

Some of you may be thinking that spending Spring Break in Cleveland would be a major bummer -- and you'd be right, if you didn't go to law school in Cincinnati. Nearly anything is an upgrade over Cincinnati, except Alabama (worst state in the union, bar none).

So yeah, I'm here in my old undergrad library, hitting the books even though it's supposed to be my week off. All these innocent little undergrads are running around with their tans and their little bullshit books about dynamics and organic chemistry, and that got me to thinking about this year's spring break as compared to last year's. Here's the rundown. I'll have updates throughout the week. And yes, this will be a photo essay.

Last year: 24 guys piled into six cars and headed south from Cleveland at 10am. The four guys in our car stopped in Cincinnati for dinner with my fiancée and continued on to Clinton, Tennessee to spend the night at my buddy's parents' place.
This year: Turned in my brief at 8:15am, class from 9 to 10, napped on my couch from 10:30 to 4. Dinner and a movie with the fiancée, then to bed early. Really early.

Last year:
Woke up early and drove the rest of the way from Clinton to Panama City, and found our way to our rooms at about 6pm. Everyone else had driven straight through the night, checked in at 11, and passed out on their beds or couches by the time we got there. Except for my brown friend Arpan. I walked into his room thinking he was in the bathroom because I heard running water. Instead of finding him washing his hands, I found him passed out standing up leaning on the TV, pissing everywhere. It was gushing out the bottom of his pants in such incredible volumes that the carpet couldn't soak it up fast enough, and it rolled out of the room, onto the balcony, off the edge, and down 13 floors into the pool area. Welcome to Spring Break.
This year: Slept late, watched Yu-Gi-Oh! (reruns, unfortunately), and drove from Cincinnati to Cleveland. Had to turn right around for a fraternity function downtown, and spent the night watching basketball and catching up with guys whom I hadn't seen in almost a year. Returned to my parents' house around 4am. This unquestionably will be the day that most closely parallels last year's break.

Last year: Woke up early and hungry. Went to Waffle House for breakfast, then to Wal-Mart for, uhm, drinks. Loaded up my buddy's Explorer with as many cases as it could hold (72), plus some other essential items (and no, that is not me). Spent most of the day fighting, and then all of these fuckers passed out on my bed.
This year: Woke up early and hungry. Fortunately, it was the last day for the local Kiwanis Club's Pancake Breakfast. This included things like my dad saying to my mom, "Hey! How did the Austins get in front of us in line?! They were still in the damn parking lot when we were walking in!" when the Austin family was right next to us. Seriously, not a single person between them. Just unbelievable candor in that man. Anyway, I ate myself sick, then went home and watched LeBron drop 56 on the Raptors, only to have the Cavs lose. Did some fun reading, and by fun reading I mean I read an economics textbook.

Last year:
Spent the morning playing football on the beach, and the evening saw the appearance of Natural Light Man and his sidekick Spiderman (pronounced "spitter-men" -- he's Jewish). They hassled girls for awhile, and eventually the Green Goblin talked them into playing quarters for the rest of the night.
This year: Didn't wake up in the morning, and spent a large portion of the afternoon helping my mom do business things. When I say "business things," you have to remember that I live on a donkey farm, so I mean that I took pictures of donkeys so my mother could sell them. Delivered some bills for my dad, and then went to pick out a tuxedo for the wedding. Lost ten dollars in low-stakes poker.

Last year: Probably the best day of the trip. Spiderman and I filled up squirt guns with tequila, put badges on, and patrolled the beach as the fun police. Anyone who wasn't having enough fun had a fun warrant issued for their fun arrest, and was forced to take shots. This led to the most awkward moment of the trip, when we tried to give one girl a shot because she wasn't having fun. Seeing what I was wearing, she said "I don't want a shot, but I do want to get lei'd." What I heard, of course was, "but I do want to get laid." So I turned to Spiderman and said, "well, you're in luck, because my friend here is GREAT at doing chicks." A few moments of awkward silence followed before Spiderman explained what she meant. I'm a genius.
This year: Today. I woke up early and headed downtown to the library with my Property and Crim Law books. I've been here ever since, slaving away over adverse possession and the Model Penal Code. Still on the agenda is pizza for dinner, followed by more fun reading. It's going to be a great day.

Stay tuned for the rest of Law School Spring Break 2005.


Yvonne said...

I loved the Knight in Shining Beer Cases. Great sense of frivolous, collegiate, wackiness here. I came across you (only in a figurative sense) on BlogExplosion. I think you want to drop by my blog at http://citricritic.blogspot.com and enter my KILT Contest. It sucks.

Yeah. And read some of Princess Di's advice while you're there (if you can find it).


Dirty Martini said...

Clinton, Tennessee....yikes. I hope you kept your ass covered and locked the doors.