Wednesday, March 02, 2005

In Search of a Monocle

In the course of my research about morbid obesity for my Advocacy class (also known as Public Speaking in undergrad), I have realized I desperately need a monocle to enhance my intellectual profile. If anyone has a spare one sitting around the house, please let me know.

I feel the combination of a monocle and smoking a pipe and drinking scotch in the library will definitely lead my classmates to label me an "intellectual". After reaching this status, I will be able to pretend like I'm helping my classmates research, while in actuality I will be making mental notes of all the cases that they are looking at. Hopefully this will take most of the effort out of research, giving me more time to do the things that intellectuals do, like browse the internet for pornography and see how many peanut butter cookies I can eat in an hour.

1 comment:

Nye! said...

What kind of peanut butter cookies are we talking about here? Because if it's Nutter Butters, I can eat 82 in an hour.